Check right under your nose.

When I was in my late teens, stealing cars was how I passed time on the weekends. Never personal cars though. I would always take brand new cars right off the lot. It was a different time then. GPS and transmitter keys didn't exist and a key could be copied with just a little modeling clay.

I always say "If you're gonna do the crime, make it worth the time. " so when shopping for prospects, it was never a Ford Escort or Geo Metro. No, I'd be sure to make the ride worth the trouble. Nothing but the best; Mercedes, BMW, even Porsche. I know what you're thinking: too attention getting, right? Don't be so naïve. I took care of the registration, the VIN, even the plates. I probably shouldn't tell you the specifics about how, but I can tell you that I was stopped more than once by the law and I drove home in the same car.

I did this so many times that I lost track of all the cars. So many great cars!! I'll let you in on one of my secrets though. I never tried to sell the cars and I never kept any one car all that long. Usually, I'd drive the hot vehicle right back onto the lot a few days later and leave no trace that I had ever been there.

When just taking them got boring, I started getting creative. I'd park them in front of the police station (I think I'm why there are cameras in front of police stations now!). Or I'd park them like displays on the sidewalk in front of the mall. I even parked one in the driveway of a certain captain of the football team who was dating the girl I liked. Of course, no one believed for a second that he was the thief. He was many popular things, but smart enough to devise a crime of this magnitude wasn't one of them.

Once, I 'commissioned' (a word I learned was a military term used to rationalize stealing anything they needed) a BMW M5 and entered into a street race for pink slips. Luckily, I won the race with my commissioned BMW and was then handed the keys to a brand new Mustang GT. Not knowing what to do with a legitimate vehicle, I took the prize down to the beach and launched it, at full throttle, off into the surf. I was amazed to discover that, as in the movies, cars really do burst into flames upon impact. I stepped back and watched the water and metal burn and put off intense light until I saw a helicopter approaching in the distance. I left quickly, headlights off, and headed for home.

Now, close to home and nearing dawn, I parked the car next to the drive-through window of a closed McDonald's. I left the car running and rolled the driver's side window down. Then, I got out of the car and pulled a bumper sticker from my back pack which read 'Warning: this vehicle may be left running and unattended in the event of RAPTURE'. I applied the sticker to the back bumper of the BMW and began my short walk home.

The next morning, I woke to the daily newspaper's headline reading "SECOND COMING OF CHRIST OCCURS WHILE TOWN SLEEPS - MOST LEFT BEHIND". I laughed a little to myself and began walking to school. It was Monday morning.


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Take a picture.

It always lasts longer...



JD